Return to the Shadows Read online

  Adoption is a difficult process under the best of circumstances; it’s nearly impossible when the child has no identification. No birth certificate, no social security number, no finger or foot print on file anywhere. The fact that I was a single woman who worked a full-time job did not reassure the state that I was the best possible caregiver for Ashley.

  Those first weeks were the hardest to bear. Child and family services placed Ashley in a foster home while the police made every effort to find the family of the little girl my brother and I “found” while on vacation. Ashley, Mike, and I were interviewed repeatedly during that time. Our answers were consistent, and Ashley, bless her, would only tell the police that her parents had died a long time ago, and that I had found her wandering near the woods.

  For the most part, what Ashley had said was true. Her parents were dead and I had found her in the woods. After that, things became a bit more complicated. At any rate, Ashley didn’t have to spend much time in the temporary home before a judge ordered her returned to my custody. There were regular home visits and more questions and interviews, but finally, eight months later, the adoption was officially finalized.

  Of course, we had settled into a routine long before the final paper was signed, stamped, and sealed.

  Still, having that piece of paper was a weight off my shoulders. Mike and I felt bad about having to lie to the rest of the family about Ashley’s background, even though we both understood it was completely necessary to do so. We consoled ourselves with the knowledge that our lie had little to do with Ashley herself. She was a beautiful, healthy, intelligent, and lovable little girl, no matter where she may have come from.

  Now, finally, she was a little girl with a big, loving family. My parents had accepted her unconditionally from the start. Both of them had proven to be wonderful grandparents. They spent a lot of time with Ashley, and much of that time was spent doting on the girl. They weren’t just willing to spend time with their new grandchild. They relished the chance to spend time with her. Their devotion to my daughter never failed to bring tears to my eyes. Since the day I’d brought her home, they had instantly taken to her and her to them. Not a single week had gone by in the past year where my parents had not visited Ashley or at least called her on the phone.

  My brother was another regular visitor in our home and an important figure in Ashley’s life. Ashley absolutely adored her uncle Mike. The feeling was definitely mutual. He was fiercely protective of her, often reminding the rest of us of a mother hen.

  Megan had bonded with Ashley on a level that, while personal, was not quite to the depth of our parents and Mike. The two were close, but unfortunately were unable to spend much time together. Ashley spent maybe one day each month with her Aunt Megan, though to be fair, Megan’s work schedule was the polar opposite of Ashley’s school schedule. That too was about to change.

  My sister had remarried six months ago; their first child was due in October, only a few short months away. To the family’s collective relief, Megan’s obstetrician had ordered her to take her maternity leave of absence now. There was no immediate threat to Megan or the baby. In fact, Megan had sailed through the bulk of her pregnancy with ease. She hadn’t suffered the fatigue or the nausea that seemed to plague so many pregnant women. In Megan’s case, that was actually the problem. She hadn’t experienced any of the body’s typical responses telling her to slow her daily pace, so she hadn’t. With her son’s birth looming closer, she was starting to swell through her legs, and the doctor—not to mention the rest of us—was becoming increasingly concerned.

  Today would be Megan’s last day at work for the next six to eight months. While she was less than thrilled with the prospect, her husband Juan was immensely relieved, and I was ecstatic. We would finally have the time to get some serious baby shopping done, plus the nursery still needed to be decorated. I could hardly wait for my nephew to be born. I imagined all of the fun we would have together, Ashley and little Aaron and me. Best of all, if I’d managed to snag the Plant and Herb job, I would be able to split babysitting duties with my parents. I absolutely loved babies, and there was no question that Ashley would benefit from having another child around.

  She was very well behaved both at home and at school, but she tended to keep to herself. A lot of the time she seemed unsure how to act around other children, and large groups of children or adults seemed to overwhelm her. As much as it broke my heart to see her struggle with anything, I had to remind myself that things could have been much worse. I may not have known much about what her life had been like before Mike and I found her, but I knew a little about how harsh life could be in Terlain. And life for an orphan in Terlain? I shuddered. The reality was grim at best. It was a miracle that the child had not suffered more trauma than she had. Hell, the fact that she was alive was a miracle. I had a lot to be thankful for, I realized. I had a great family, a beautiful daughter who was healing a little each day, a nice house, and a good job. So what if there was one thing that would always be missing?

  ***

  Dinner was usually a casual affair at our house, at least during the week. Soup and sandwiches, TV dinners, grilled meat and frozen vegetables were the typical fare. But every Friday we ate out or ordered in. Tonight was no exception. Ashley had opted to go to McDonald’s for a Happy Meal and an hour in the play area.

  I sipped on a Styrofoam cup of hot mocha coffee while I watched her navigate colorful slides, ropes, tunnels...and one serious ball pit. I tried not to cringe, finally having to look away. I hated the things.

  Don’t get me wrong, they did look like a lot of fun, even to a grown up like myself. It must have looked like the Taj Mahal of the playground to a little kid like Ashley. But, to me at least, it also looked like a gigantic germ pool, hepatitis and meningitis and tetanus co-mingling in sickening harmony. But it was important to Ashley, so I sighed and packed the hand sanitizer, vowing to keep my phobias to myself. Such is the life of a parent.

  After dinner, playtime, and a hot bubble bath, we went through the motions of our bedtime routine.

  We read a story, talked about what the coming day would bring, and Ashley settled into her own bed for the night. Whether she would stay there for the duration or if the dreams would plague her sleep always remained to be seen. I honestly didn’t mind; the nightmares were becoming less frequent with each passing month.

  I was locking the front door and setting the alarm like I always did each evening when a movement outside caught my eye. I did a double-take, peering out through the living room window to the darkness beyond. Whatever had been out there was gone, I realized after a moment. A faint chill washed over me. It wasn’t the first time it had happened since our return from Terlain. And like the other times, I shrugged it off and went to bed.

  Chapter Two

  Windfall

  Three days later, the job was mine. I could hardly believe my good fortune. I would be writing a two-page spread for the monthly issues of Plant and Herb to start. The hours were flexible and the pay was obscene. What more could anyone possibly ask for? I would finally have more time to spend with Ashley, and I wouldn’t have to work so hard all of the time. Or in such a creepy environment, I added silently. Even though it made sense for laboratories to be located on the lower levels of buildings that housed them, working in a basement was still a gloomy existence.

  The scene in the lab played through my mind again, and I wrapped the ends of my sweater around my waist and shook my head. I was beginning to get jumpy again, which was ridiculous. There was absolutely no reason to worry. John was serving a lengthy prison sentence, and our lives had been quiet and mostly uneventful for an entire year. Unheard of for the Roberts, I knew, but there it was. There was only one logical explanation for the way I was feeling now. I was becoming paranoid.

  And who knew? Maybe a little case of the nerves now and then was normal after what I had been through, after seeing and hearing things that most people only dreamed of—both fantasy and nightmare.
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  Still, hearing footsteps in the lab the week before and automatically assuming I was being stalked for the kill? No, I was pretty sure I had gone to an extreme with that one. There was no real reason to believe I was in danger, I reminded myself as I finished loading the dishwasher. Just the dreams. But I knew that didn’t prove anything, only that I had a wild imagination. And the trip to Terlain had probably given me enough material to fuel that imagination for the next fifty or sixty years. I smiled wistfully and wondered what Marta would have to say about everything. She’d be sarcastic for sure and would toss in a wisecrack or two. That was her way. And Lord, how I missed her. I wanted to know what they were doing tonight—Bob and Marta…and Mark.

  More often than not, I found my thoughts drifting to Mark. I imagined them all together, like they were the last time I had seen them, and the longing grew to painful proportions. I had always meant to see them again…to see Mark again. But life had a way of moving forward, and plans changed, sometimes whether we wished them to or not. It still shamed me to think that getting back to Mark had been put right next to “cleaning out the garage” on my list of priorities. Something I meant to do, but in all likelihood would never get around to.

  Sure, I had plenty of good reasons to avoid Terlain like the plague. First of all, it was not safe for me to go there. I was on the equivalent of an America’s Most Wanted list over there since my last visit, having managed to piss off Kahn, the guards, the Shadow Man, and everything else I had somehow managed to evade. Going back would mean putting my life in danger, and I couldn’t put Ashley through that kind of torment. She had already lost one set of parents. She wouldn’t understand. Even if I somehow managed not to get myself killed, how could I possibly explain why I had to leave her for several weeks?

  She would be devastated. I promised I would never leave her.

  The alternative to that was obvious—I could take her with me. A laugh bubbled at the mere thought of that one. No. Things had to be the way they were and for good reason. My daughter had a life in Seattle and I had no right to jeopardize or disrupt that. Maybe later—some far off day when things were different—I would see them again, Mark and Aries and Faith. I thought about Aries almost as frequently as I thought of Mark. It was impossible not to hope that she was safe, to pray every day that the guards had not caught up with her that day.

  I poured yogurt into a plain white bowl and took a seat at the kitchen island. It was just after nine in the evening, and Ashley was safe and sound in her bed for the night. I briefly thought about calling Mike, but just as quickly decided against it. If anyone was capable of understanding how I felt and what I had been through, it was my brother. After all, he had lived through it with me. But even a year later, I still knew better than to bring up Aries around him. She had remained a sore subject between the two of us. I suspected that he was in love with her, but—

  “Hey, Claire, are you home?”

  “Well speak of the devil. I’m in the kitchen, Mike!” I called out.

  “You forgot to lock your front door again,” Mike admonished as he popped his head around the kitchen doorway.

  “So? I’m still awake. What’s up?”

  “I was just on my way home from the museum and figured I would stop in to see how you and Miss Ashley are faring.”

  “We’re faring just fine.” I couldn’t help but smile. “Help yourself to a snack; I’m having one,” I offered, gesturing to my yogurt.

  “Don’t mind if I do. So I heard you quit your job at LanTech today.”

  “Good news travels fast. Megan?”

  “She called me earlier. Is it true? Did you really quit today? Without notice?”

  “You bet I did. I got an offer that was too good to pass up. It’s a lot more money than I was making at LanTech.”

  “Since when have you cared about money, Claire?”

  “Hey, I like money,” I protested around a mouthful of vanilla yogurt. “No, I love money. So there.” I waved the spoon at him triumphantly.

  “You don’t care about the money and we both know it.”

  “No. You know it. Rather, you think you know. Which you don’t. In fact, you can leave now if all you’re going to do is stand here and criticize me in my own kitchen.”

  Mike ignored the invitation to leave, just as I figured he would. Instead, he parked his rear end in one of my kitchen chairs and calmly lit a cigarette.

  “You can’t smoke in here. When did you start smoking?”

  “I don’t smoke,” he shrugged.

  I shook my head, exasperated, and held his pack of cigarettes high in the air. “May I present Exhibit A? Really, Mike, I thought you had quit.”

  “I did.”

  “Well so did I. Mostly. Now get that thing out of here. I mean it. It’s not good for Ashley.”

  “I’ll take it outside, calm down.”

  I poured two cups of coffee, added liberal amounts of cream and sugar to both mugs, and followed him out to the front porch.

  “Thanks.” He sipped his coffee and gazed at the star-strewn sky above my house. “You want to tell me what’s really going on?”

  “Not really, no.”

  “Smoke?”

  “Why not?” I sighed, and shook a cigarette out of his pack, lit up, and leaned back to prop my feet on the porch rails.

  “Claire, just tell me that you’re okay. Tell me that you’re happy. That this is what you want. That’s all I’m asking.”

  “It’s the best thing for us. For me and for Ashley. She needs me at home more often.”

  “Agreed. But what would have been wrong with cutting back on your hours at LanTech? You make a good salary there. And you had a lot of time on that job. You know we will help take care of Ashley. Me, and Mom and Dad, Megan and Juan. We are all here for the two of you.”

  “Thank you, Mike.” I gave his knee a sisterly pat. “But I’ve made my decision. Writing for the magazine will be…fun, I think.” I shrugged and drained the last of my coffee. “Different at least. And I’ve been ready for a change for a long time. Despite what you may think, the money is a motivating factor for me. It’s never too early to start saving for Ashley’s future. I want to be able to send her to a good school.

  Help her get a car and a house someday. This job can help me do all of that. And the hours are flexible. If Ashley gets sick or hurt at school, I can be available for her.”

  “I just want you to be satisfied, Claire. You know that.”

  “I know you do, Mike. And I will be. I am.”

  “You really love her, don’t you?” he said softly.

  “Yes. I love you too, little brother, just so you know.”

  The wind blew in the distance and a movement at the edge of the yard caught my eye.

  “Mike, did you see that?” I leaned over the porch rail and peered into the darkness.

  “Where?”

  “Over there by the bushes. No, to the right. Do you see anyone?”

  “I’ll check it out. Stay here.” He was up and moving in an instant.

  “Wait—” But he was already heading across my well-manicured lawn. I hugged my arms to my chest and took a step forward, waiting.

  “Claire, go get a flashlight, will you?”

  “Oh, Lord. Okay, hang on.” I darted into the house and grabbed the light and my cell phone, stopping to check on Ashley before heading out the front door again.

  “Here. What did you see?”

  “I’m not sure. Let’s see...yes, right there. Look. The grass is smashed down.”

  I knelt down to get a better look at the patch of lawn he had illuminated in a triangle of light.

  “Does that look like a footprint to you?”

  “I can’t tell, Claire. It could be. That or a large animal. What did you see when we were on the porch?”

  “Just a shadow. I guess it could have been a dog. Maybe. But it looked tall to me.” I scratched my head and glanced down the deserted tree-lined street.

  “I told you to have
these hedges trimmed. Anybody could hide over here. It’s too good of a cover.”

  “I’ve been meaning to get around to that,” I admitted. At his stern glance, I sighed. “Tomorrow. I’ll have them done first thing tomorrow. Scout’s honor.”

  “Has anything unusual been happening lately?”

  “Like what? Perverts casing the house?”

  “Sure, like that.”

  “No.” I didn’t tell him about the dreams, or the feelings of being watched that had persisted since our return from Terlain. It was most likely nothing, and would only give him cause to worry. Mike worrying was not a pretty sight. He had a tendency to go over the top and straight into paranoia-land.

  “Well, why don’t you go on inside and check on the baby? I’ll take a look around out here. Check for footsteps around the house.”

  I smiled in the darkness. “Fine, but don’t let Ashley hear you refer to her as ‘the baby.’”

  “Oh right, I keep forgetting she goes to school now.” He grinned.

  “Exactly, and don’t you forget it.”

  “I’ll be in soon, okay? Don’t worry.”

  “You want me to put on a fresh pot of coffee?”

  “No, that’s all right. I can’t stay much longer.”

  I shook my head, knowing full well how the rest of the night would play out. Mike would find a twig out of place and come bursting through the front door in roughly ten minutes and announce that he was calling the police. If I was able to talk him out of it—or wrestle the phone away from him—the family would at least be spared some embarrassment. If I couldn’t, he would call 911 and they would laugh at him all the while telling him to call back once a real crime had been committed. After that, Mike would insist on spending the night. I headed into the kitchen to make the coffee Mike had declined. Because he couldn’t stay, of course. Yeah, right.